It is winter here in South Africa and thus far it has been pretty uneventful here in Cape Town. We are used to tons of rain but this year it has been very dry. We have been having a drought really with severe water restriction because our dams were not full enough.

Yesterday it bucketed down though! It was hectic! And to top it all off - there was SNOW on Table Mountain!! Here is a pic:

Amber is back at school. She has missed so much as the car we share with our housemate was written off during the holidays. Not fun.

I actually love just staying at home though. I walk to the shops and to visit my mom when I need/want to so thats cool. When its not raining that is...

I am quite excited though because I have decided to study Reiki! The lady who is teaching me came to visit me last night and she is really nice. Down to earth and very calm. We clicked right away and I think she is the right person to teach me Reiki. :)

I hope to incorporate Reiki into my Doula-ing which is quite exciting for me. I am really into natural healing techniques and in the power of the mind. I wish more people I know felt the same way. A lot of people irl think I am a whacko LOL

I can never come up with interesting title for my entries here.... anyway...

My five year old daughter is SO spirited at the moment. So far today she has drawn all over her face and her brother's face so they look like cats. She drew all over a bedroom door with felt tip markers. She pushed all my lounge furniture all over the place. She emptied a packet of peanuts and raisins onto her bed. She poured a whole lot of kiddies bath stuff all over her brothers head.

I think I am going to go NUTS!

I know its not her fault and that she is not doing this to piss me off. I just cant deal with all of the chaos all of the time. And I mean ALL OF THE TIME!

My husband had ADHD as a kid and his mom homeschooled him. She never put him on meds (thank goodness!) and did a lot of work with him and monitored his diet. I never had ADD or ADHD so I cant relate to how people who do have it feel.

I was speaking to Matt the other night about Amber and he said something that really put things into perspective for me. He said that life with ADHD is like rolling down a hill at fast speed. That made a lot of sense when I thought about what my daughter does.

She can be really gentle and caring and loving and I think she is one the most sensitive souls I have met. She is very articulate and extremely bright too! She has a good nack for numbers (soething I never had) and is very good at writing and reading for her age too. She is also extremely creative and loves to do things that require her to be creative or artistic....

I spoke to her Montessori teacher and she confirmed that Amber is very creative there and loves to play with the other kids. She also said that when Amber does something in the classroom she offers all her attention to it. I was quite surpirsed at that because often she does the opposite here at home.

I love my daughter. I love her enthusiasm for life, her contagious laugh and her gentle hugs. I love her adventurous spirit and her endearing curiosity. I love her sense of humour and her affection for learning about the world around her and how things work.

I will write more later. I would also love to hear from other parents with spirited youngsters. :)

I have been thinking a lot lately about my life path... where I have come from, where I am now and where I want to be ... y'know... all that philosophical gives-you-a-headache-just-thinking-about-thinking-about-it stuff. I have realised that I am so not the typical 23 yr old! It's not just because I am married with three kids, I have never really felt like have "belonged" anywhere. In a way I am happy with that, but sometimes it just pisses up my rope. I really do want to relate to people irl and not rely on my online world of friends to keep me sane.

I have to go now... baby crying.

I am soo tired right now. I have a feeing that I'm going to spout out a load of shit here but anyway...

I have to walk up the shops just now with my three sprogs -yes I am feeling suicidal! Taking all three kids to the shop is not a very pleasant experience at the best of times... I have Tatum in my sling (Wise Woman sling that I absolutely ADORE!) and Noah in the pram and Amber walking. Its all good until Noah decides he would rather climb out the pram and run away as fast as he can... usually while I am trying to pay for something.... the other day I was at the till and he got out the pram and ran OUT THE SHOP! I ran after him and picked him up and had to finish my purchase with him kicking and trying to get loose - all this with a baby in the sling too. Heaven only knows how she slept through it all...

Amber is a gimme-pig.

Amber: Can I have this
Me: No Amber, I dont have enough money on me for that right now.
Amber: then ask that lady/man/kid
Me: Umm... no
Amber: then I will ask
*Amber begins to approach lady/man/kid
Me: Amber! Come back here please!
Amber: but I want that toy/book/sweet/arb household gaget
Me: Amber. Come here please. Now.
Amber: *sigh* [abandons mission]
Noah: Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
Me: Oh ferfucksakes!
Noah: MORE!
Me: Noah - you cant eat that cat food/shampoo/cheese still in wrapper/arb household gaget
Tatum: Waaaaaaaa!
Me: FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKK!

On second thoughts I think I will phone my mother for a lift...

The following story is from This is True dated 17 July 2005. It is Copyright 2005 Randy Cassingham, all rights reserved, and reprinted here with permission:

"Ethical" Defined

After more than 100 dead dogs were dumped in a trash dumpster over four weeks, police in Ahoskie, N.C., kept an eye on the trash receptacle behind a supermarket. Sure enough, a van drove up and officers watched the occupants throw in heavy plastic bags. They detained the two people in the van and found 18 dead dogs in plastic bags in the dumpster, including puppies; 13 more dead dogs were still in the van. Police say the van is registered to the headquarters of People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals, and the two occupants, Andrew B. Cook, 24, and Adria Joy Hinkle, 27, identified themselves as PETA employees. An autopsy performed on one of the dogs found it was healthy before it was killed. Police say PETA has been picking up the animals -- alive -- from North Carolina animal shelters, promising to find them good homes. Cook and Hinkle have been charged with 62 felony counts of animal cruelty. In response to the arrests PETA President Ingrid Newkirk said it's against the group's policy for employees to dump animals in the trash, but "that for some animals in North Carolina, there is no kinder option than euthanasia." (Roanoke-Chowan News-Herald) ...Oops, my mistake: that's "Playing God" Defined.

In his author's notes section, Cassingham had more to say about this story:

The more I learn about PETA, the less I think of them. The story of them killing animals isn't even unusual. According to PETA's own filings, in 2004 PETA killed 86.3 percent of the animals entrusted to its care -- a number that's rising, not falling. Meanwhile, the SPCA in PETA's home town (Norfolk, Va.) was able to find loving homes for 73 percent of the animals put in its care. A shortage of funds? Nope: last year PETA took in $29 million in tax-exempt donations. It simply has other priorities for the funds, like funding terrorism (yes, really). But don't take my word for it: I got my figures from http://www.PETAkillsAnimals.com -- and they have copies of PETA's state and federal filings to back it up. The bottom line: if you donate money to PETA because you think they care for and about animals, you need to think some more. PETA literally yells and screams about how others "kill animals" but this is how they operate? Pathetic.

And you know what I wonder? PETA's official count of animals they kill is 86.3 percent. But if they're going around picking up animals, killing them while they drive around and not even giving them a chance to be adopted, and then destroying the evidence by dumping the bodies in the trash, are those deaths being reported? My guess: no. While 86.3 percent is awful, the actual number is probably much, much higher. How dare they lecture anyone about the "ethical" treatment of animals!

(This is True is a weekly column featuring weird-but-true news stories from around the world, and has been published since 1994. Click the link for info about free subscriptions.)

My pics aren't showing right now because the site I host my pics on is down... fuckers.

So .... what can I say?? I have been doing quite a few trades with mama's an Im really excited about that! I have a few parcels to send out and will do that tomorrow. I hope it doesn't rain or I won't be able to go.... not having a car kinda sucks! I enjoy walking though, its good for the soul.

This week I have come to REALLY appreciate the online relationships I have with other AP mama's and friends! There is this girl that I met through a mutual friend that just makes me so sad... Her baby is about a week older than Tatum and all I ever hear from her is how shitty being a mother is! :( She is the same age as me and lives wth the father of her child. They live in a very good area and he has a great job doing programming. Anyway... my friend introduced us because she was having problems brestfeeding and he thought I could help her out. Cool. She comes and spends the day with me and we talk about the things she is doing and what she is having problems with. I give her a whole bunch of info on breastfeeding and manage to get it through to her that her dd doesn't NEED formula. She was worried her dd was not big enough.... um.... her dd is a week older than mine and she is already wearing clothing for 6-12 month old babies.... no weight problem there! She accepted this and decided to stop supplimenting. She was worried because her milk supply was going down and that is when I told her that breastmilk is produced on a supply and demand basis. She didn't know that and was very relieved that someone told her. This was a few weeks ago btw.

Anyway, on the same day she came over we were talking about how hard it can be to be a young mama who is home with a baby all day. She told me that she HATED being a mother and felt trapped. All she wanted to do was go out and "get smashed" ... I could totally relate because in the first few months of Amber's life I felt completely overwhelmed by the whole being-responsible-for-a-life thing. I don't want to sound harsh or damning, but she began to piss me off after a while! The more encouragment I tried to offer her, the more she went on about how shit being a mother to HER child was! She said some things that broke my heart! I feel so sorry for her!!!!!!!

Her dd is such a good baby too! She loves to smile and makes the sweetest cooing sounds!! Its just that her mama views everything she does as irritating and that bothers me. For example, I was nursing Tatum to sleep on my bed and she asked if she could join me. I said, "of course" and she lay down and started feeding. (This was yeserday when I invited her over for cake)... Anyway, her dd starts cooing while feeding and I commented that I thought she sounded really cute. Her response was something along the lines of, "yeah, its very irritating though. She always wants something from me." Poor mama.... if only she could feel better about being a mama. It is so hard and I hope I can help her see that things aren't that bad.


I am trying to support her and offer her a safe place to fall because I DO know how she feels and I want to give her what I never had - an understanding ear and some sage advice from someone who can empathise. I was 18 when I had Amber and trust me - it was fucking difficult! I almost lost it completely! But what gave me hope and strength was accepting that my dd was not a burden and my life had not ended - just changed.

I dont know what the point for this entry really is, I just needed to get things off my chest I guess. I want my mama friend to feel like a worthy mama and a good person. I want her to feel comfortable in her body and not feel like looking like a stick insect less than four months after birth is necessary. I want her to be able to look at her dd and see that she loves her mama and that she isn't in fact trying to ruin her life or manipulate her. I hope to help her by example and understanding, but DAMN I feel like screaming sometimes! This world has done little justice for new mothers! It sucks!

Okay... I never really do anything for myself in the way of personal grooming. I shower. I brush my teeth. I occasionally brush my hair. Y'know - cover the essentials. A friend of mine told me about an auction site (its a cancer hospice site that companies donate stuff to and they auction it on the site and the money goes to the hospice). I was intrugued and went and had a look. I saw a hair salon had a R350 colour, cut and blowdry on auction. I bid R150 (the previous bid was R140) and went on my merry way. Well. last week I got an email telling me I had won the auction! WHOOHOO!!! My dad gave me money for my birthday and told me to treat myself - so I did! I had my hair layered and they put highlights in... well they TRIED to put highlights in.... didn't quite come out.... So anyway... I bought a home highlight kit and did them myself and I must say, they came out great!!! First time doing something like this and I rather enjoyed myself!

Oh and I was quite the sight at the hair salon - breastfeeding Tatum while they washed my hair! LOL

... post a better pic. :)